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Toddlers almost fall into the ocean pretty much all the time, right?
GateHouse — So it’s totally normal for kids to almost fall off of piers into oceans during trips to the water with their dads, right? That’s a thing that happens pretty regularly? Right? All the time?...
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Company seeks volunteers to live on Mars, arrive with Earth-shattering kaboom
GateHouse — Having pretty well established over the past two or three weeks that things on Earth are pretty unsalvageably jerked up, I think I’ll go ahead and cut my losses and apply for this one-way...
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What to do when you hate the books your kid is reading
Island Packet — First, the good news: The 9-year-old loves books. Always with the books. He’s a big reader — at bedtime, in the backseat and at the breakfast table, which is why many of his favorites...
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I Would Appreciate It If My Son Stopped Melting My Brain At Night-Night Time
. GateHouse — Like most humans of both the small and grownup variety, my older son tends to save his more pressing philosophical, scientific and spiritual questions for the end of bedtime, after the...
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Right, Like You Haven’t Fed Your Kid This Type Of Bacon Before
Island Packet — I casually mentioned to a friend last week that I’d made my son waffles and bacon for breakfast that morning. I also casually mentioned that I’d done it a few days before, and a few...
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What Your Kids’ Toys Are Saying Behind Your Back (NickMom)
. The full version over at NickMom. . . . Filed under: Dad Stories, Humor Columns, NickMom Tagged: dads, funny, humor, kids, moms, parenting, toys
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School Picture Day: Forever Capturing Your Smile, Or Whatever The Hell That...
Island Packet — Generally speaking, we don’t order or display school pictures very often, for one simple reason: I have seen mine. My mom has hanging in her house the complete and unabridged collection...
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The Worst Sentences To Hear Right Before Boarding The Plane (NickMom)
NickMom — There aren’t that many good ones, tbh. . “Whoa, 24 babies on one flight? That must be a record!” “The captain really hates talking to children.” . Read the full list at NickMom. . . . Filed...
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Worse On A Plane: Crying Baby Or Foul-Smelling Adult? NO CONTEST
GateHouse — Over the years I’ve had occasion to fly with my children, now ages 9 and 1.5, to various spots along the East Coast, which I’ve done each time for one very simple reason: The “government”...
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“Mr. Vrabel? First Of All, Your Son Is Fine…” #ridiculousinjuries #boars
Island Packet — The phone buzzed, and it was the school’s number. “Mr. Vrabel?” said the slightly too-calm voice on the other end. “First of all, your son is fine …” Now, there are multiple thoughts...
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When You See A Shark Someplace Like This, There Is Only One Explanation:...
GateHouse — Little do you all know it, but two years ago I came across the very aftermath of a sharknado. At the time, I considered it no great shakes. I live on a resort island in South Carolina, a...
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What A Weekend Without The Kids Is Really Like
Island Packet — Since this is a parenting column, I thought I’d write about something unusual that happened last week regarding my children: They left for four days. Everybody left, my wife too. They...
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Why I’m Not Powering Down My Toddler’s Approved Electronic Device
Island Packet — You’ve no doubt been in awkward situations before; you may have had to endure uncomfortable meetings or entrances or appearances. But there’s nothing that tops the stabbing looks you...
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7 Things All Parents Can Agree Are Completely Awful (NickMom)
The full version over at NickMom. . . . Filed under: Dad Stories, Humor Columns, NickMom Tagged: babies, dads, funny, humor, kids, moms, parenting
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Monopoly Isn’t Getting Rid Of Jail, But I Will Still Crush You At It
GateHouse — First of all, the good news is that Monopoly is NOT getting rid of jail. JAIL IS SAFE, EVERYONE. Well it’s not safe, because it’s still jail, and I’ve heard enough about “Orange Is The New...
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Toddler iPad Addiction Is Real, And The Evidence Is Currently Screaming In My...
Island Packet — The Internet is chock plumb full of awful parenting advice, blank scare tactics and a bunch of stuff that people just make up (like there’s really a guy named “Benedict Cumberbatch”),...
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That Time My 2-Year-Old Found Out We Didn’t Throw Him a Birthday Party
Island Packet — The little giant turned 2 last month, and we celebrated the occasion by doing quite a lot of nothing. It wasn’t technically nothing. We made cupcakes and sang, had a tiny party in the...
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My 9-Year-Old’s ‘Star Trek’ Obsession Obviously Must Be Crushed Immediately
Island Packet — My dad and 9-year-old are downstairs right now watching the first of the new “Star Trek” movies, the one that came out in 2009 and is cleverly titled “Star Trek.” I’m making that point...
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Exactly What Is This Viscous Black Substance Pouring Forth from the Carpet...
GateHouse — Never rent a carpet cleaner. Seriously. Never rent a carpet cleaner. Just don’t. Realize that carpets, by their filthy fibrous natures, will always contain some considerable amount of...
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GQ Fitness: This Thanksgiving, Be a Touch Football RG3 with the Wilson K2
GQ — Footballs are good at many things—flying through the air, causing family arguments, being thrown to opposing teams by Eli Manning—but regulation-size balls are not particularly forgiving to the...
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